I know first-hand just how truly shitty it is to find yourself as a member of this gang but I can assure you that you’ve come to the right place.
Having been on my own rollercoaster ride to motherhood I understand the importance of connection within this community. I have always been keen to use my experiences and knowledge to provide companionship and hope for others as they navigate their own journey through the shit-show of miscarriage and loss.
Within minutes of meeting Bex it was clear that we had the same passions and vision for supporting, educating and empowering people going through baby loss, as well as opening the conversations and smashing taboos within society. I admired her hefty lady balls and instantly knew that we could create something together. We joined forces to form TWGGE podcast in July 2020 which has been well received and has been evolving ever since. We can’t quite believe that people actually want to listen to our ramblings, terrible jokes and awful singing.
I also had my book ‘It Will Happen’ published in October of 2020, it’s a candid memoir of my journey to motherhood through the harsh realities of recurrent miscarriage and pregnancy loss, which I guess I should tell you a little more about.
Over 7 years I experienced 7 pregnancy losses before having my son in 2019 and I have gone on to have another 2 losses since then. Secondary infertility is by no means easy and it brings with it a whole new host of emotions and challenges that I continue to try to overcome.
My experiences of pregnancy loss range from chemical pregnancies, ectopic pregnancies, missed miscarriages and a partial molar pregnancy. I had countless tests and procedures, tried a variety of different medications, saw various specialists and I battled long and hard to get answers. I still can’t quite believe how I managed to keep going and advocating for myself, it was exhausting.
The worst part of this whole experience for me was not knowing if I would ever get to be a mum. The desperation, hopelessness and ‘ugly’ feelings made this period of my life incredibly isolating. I withdrew from people around me and became a shell of myself. Having come out of the other side of the darkness I am adamant that no-one should have to go through these awful experiences without the support of someone who truly gets it - I get it – we get it – we’ve got you!
We are so sorry you are here, but so happy you’ve found us…
I never thought I’d be here. I always assumed that you were either someone who had miscarriages or someone who didn’t… having 3 kids already, I felt that I firmly belonged in the group of women who didn’t suffer from baby loss.
So in March 2020 when I saw those 2 blue lines, we geared up for baby number 4. I was so blazé about the whole thing – I breezed in to my 12 week scan wanting it to be quick as my husband was waiting outside (covid) I was just there for the picture really, having already planned my facebook & insta posts in my head…
When I heard the words ‘I’m sorry there’s no heartbeat’ I don’t mind telling you that my world, as I knew it, ended. Right. At. That. Moment. I pulled my top down, still clutching my pregnancy notes and shuffled off into a lilac room to find out what happened next.
I felt stupid. Stupid for thinking that I was immune from miscarriage, stupid that I’d been walking round completely oblivious to the fact that my baby was no longer alive.
Most of all, I could not believe the agonising pain and deep grief I felt. I couldn’t believe that this was what miscarriage was like? That other women had felt this same pain and lived on…?
Then the doubt crept in – if this was the pain of miscarriage, why didn’t anyone talk about it? Why didn’t I know how horrendous it was? Perhaps it was just me? Maybe it was me who was unable to cope, should I be this upset? Was my grief valid? Did this count as a baby?
These questions nearly drove me insane. My heart felt so full, yet so empty every day and I turned a really frightening corner, the desire use alcohol to escape my constant torturous thoughts was almost completely overwhelming.
My children and husband pulled me through this and instead of reaching for the vodka, I reached for my laptop and I started to write. I wrote down everything I felt. I didn’t plan to publish it, but when I finished – it was so clear to me that I needed to.
I felt so strongly that If I was feeling this pain, then someone else may be too. I shared my article to a public facebook group & it was also printed by the metro – overnight my inbox steadily filled – I had over 3,000 emails of love and support during the first week.
This spurred me on to set up a Facebook support group, during this time I got a DM that really stuck out for me – it was from someone called Laura Buckingham and it said ‘do you fancy going into battle together’
I loved her words. Battle is for warriors & I feel that women going through baby loss are just that. Warriors – (she also said something about me sounding like I had a massive pair of balls – I resonated less with that)
WE got together and The Worst Girl Gang Ever was formed. We chose the name because although this is a club that no one would ever choose to be a part of, we are also stronger together, we have each other’s backs and this gang is packed with strong, empowered and inspirational women.
We welcome you with heavy hearts and open arms.